Author Archives: thatconsultantbloke

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About thatconsultantbloke

Based in North Wiltshire UK I try to have fun whilst making things happen. I spent almost 40 years climbing the corporate ladder before getting bored with being too far from the action. Now I use my experiences of that time, the good and the bad, to keep the bills paid and have fun helping clients turn strategy into positive results.

mri scan results again

Down to the hospital again today. I walked both ways again, a nice day for it, 25 minutes or so each way. Inconclusive, so we’ll wait and see and have another go in a couple of months. No news is good news as they say.

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is there going to be an election then?

Haven’t we had one or two of these before? I’m sure that I remember several over the 57 and a bit years that I’ve been on the planet.

So why did the BBC extend its lunchtime bulletin to rabbit on over and over about the PM going to see the queen ad nauseum? After about the fourth time that they told us how he’d driven to the palace and back etc etc, what the other two leaders (sorry, can’t remember their names at the moment) had done and so on I was at screaming point.

Yes he’s called an election: So what? We all knew it was going to happen. We all knew when the date was. So what was newsworthy? Just a quick confirmation would have been enough; less than a dozen words. But no, we have to have the expense of goodness knows how many people out on outside broadcasts and spouting meaningless twaddle on the subject just so they had something to say. At least, in the bit I did watch (in the forlorn hope that they’d get round to Bargain Hunt), they didn’t mention the respective wives.

It isn’t a momentous event, it’s a routine proceess and it happens every 5 years or so. If I was the Queen I’d have left a note on the gate saying “Yes, I’ve heard. Just get on with it” and not bothered to see the oaf at all.

Clegg and Cgmeron; there, I’ve remembered. This is the problem for me; they are all a bunch of faceless nonentities these days and therefore I have little to get enthused about. The current lot have systematically destroyed the country I used to be proud of and to a point that I don’t hold much hope of the others being able to do much to restore things assuming that they get the chance.

Oh well. Life will go on regardless and I will be watching even less TV than usual. A good book, some music or a good conversation are much better ways of spending the time. Roll on the middle of May when it will all be over.

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letters to the editor #24 – a hung parliament?

Sir

My enthusiasm for a hung parliament has waned since it was brought to my attention that it will not require the use of many lengths of rope and most of the lamp posts along the embankment as I had first thought.

I therefore formally withdraw my support.

Yours faithfully
Disappointed of Dorcan

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letters to the editor #37 – car parks and saving the planet

Sir

At what point did the Government rule that one way systems in car parks did not apply? Why are car park owners allowed to waste the planet’s precious resources on painting arrows and erecting signs that no-one follows?

Or could it be that 90% of people operating vehicles (they could not be called drivers) are either blind, stupid or just ignorant? If so, surely getting them off the roads would make a significant reduction in emissions?

I think that we should be told.

Worried of Wiltshire

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Are your best friends your PC and your mobile phone?

In these days of texting, mobile phones and social networking is virtual commuication becoming too dominant? Yes it is (fairly) instant and keeps people in touch, but what effect is it having on the art of conversation and social skills?

I use business networking groups as a way of keeping human contact up – what about you?

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F1 2010; full bore, or just a bore?

Having waited with real anticipation for the start of this F1 season, probably with more baited breath than for any season since probably 1986, the Bahrain GP was such a bore that I turned the TV off on lap 22 and got started on my VAT return (sales tax for my US friends) instead.

Aside from the pathetic circuit, which looks like a slot car track in a sand pit, the race was just a procession. I would have had more entertainment watching the traffic at the end of the road I live in. If this is the way the new season is going to pan out I shall have a lot of free Sundays.

While I’m on the subject the BBC pre race session hasn’t improved at all either. As I was sat here today I thought that I’d watch, but found it every bit as dire as when I last saw it. For most of last year I was able to time switching on the TV with the tail end of the formation lap but, if today’s event is going to be typical, I won’t be switching on at all.

I am really disappointed.

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letters to the editor #23 more joys of shopping

Sir

Whilst in our local Sainsbury’s this morning there was an announcment on the public address regarding their range of East Regs. On enquiring whether they also had West Regs I received a blank stare and felt that security may have been about to be called, so refrained from also enquiring after North and South Regs.

I can’t have been mistaken as the annoucement was made, at a far to strident a volume, several times.

Yours faithfully

Surprised of Swindon

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letters to the editor #57

Sir

The young lady, twenty-something, ahead of me in the supermarket queue bends over her trolley to unload. The usual expanse of bare skin is revealed, punctuated by a hint of buttock cleavage.

I cast my gaze up to inspect the ceiling, but wait! Something is amiss. I look again and there it is (or isn’t). The flesh on display is devoid of decoration.

My dilemma? Should tell her that her tattoo has fallen off, or have I just spotted a rare member of the species; the un-tattooed twenty something woman?

Yours faithfully

Surprised of Swindon

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Driving Logs #2

Not much of a trip this time, just a run of less than 70 miles over to Milton Keynes and back, but I felt it was worth recording as it represents a trip I have done regularly for 25 years (at least to the MK area if not this specific address). It is also, for part of the run, one leg of a longer journey to and from the North.

As an aside, I got my route planner software to propose a route. It suggested the fastest way was to go down the M4 to the M25, round to the M1 and up there to MK. That trip was estimated at 111.1 miles and taking 99 minutes, but the software would have not known about the several sets of 50 mph restrictions on that route, let alone the likely congestion. The route I used is virtually a straight line on the map, and the distance and timing make an interesting comparison.

My route across country involves a mixture of rural and urban roads, some 2 lane single carriageway with speed limits between 30 and 60 mph and others 4 lane dual carriageway. The Oxford Western by-pass still has a 40 mph restriction around the bridge works at Peartree, but that was my only issue with road works. I chose to drive straight through Bicester both ways rather than use the ring road. Rush hour traffic was worse on the way out, especially towards the Oxford end of the A420 and around Buckingham.

Note that the stop at the Kingston Centre retail park added 1.2 miles to the journey – big places these.

Way Point Time Elapsed Distance Speed MPH
Home (depart) 719 0.0
A420 (join) 724 5 2.6 31.20
A34 (join) 800 41 27.6 40.39
M40 (cross) 810 51 36.6 43.06
Finmere 825 66 46.3 42.09
A421/422 Buckingham 836 77 51.0 39.74
Watling Steet (cross) 852 93 61.1 39.42
Kingston Centre (stop) 901 102 64.6 38.00
Kingston Centre (depart) 912 113 64.6
Magna Park (arrive) 917 118 66.9 34.02
Net driving time 107 66.9 37.51
Way Point Time Elapsed Distance Speed MPH
Magna Park (depart) 1600 0.0
Watling Steet (cross) 1609 9 4.6 30.67
A421/422 Buckingham 1621 21 14.6 41.71
Finmere 1628 28 19.2 41.14
M40 (cross) 1646 46 29.0 37.83
A420 (join) 1656 56 38.4 41.14
A419 (cross) 1729 89 63.1 42.54
Home (arrive) 1734 94 65.7 41.94

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Toyota Troubles

I have been very distressed by the ongoing tales of Toyota troubles. Not that I have any favour for the make, although I have rented many Toyotas in the US, as well as a Lexus. They’re OK cars, but so are lots of others. And, whilst I feel for the victims or their families, neither is their plight the source of my woe.

No, my distress has been in the apparent lack of basic skills being demonstrated. As I understand it there are two problems alleged to be at the heart of the Toyota throttle (gas/accelerator) pedal troubles. One is that the floor mat interferes with the pedal and the other is that the pedal linkage may stick.

Now over the (nearly 40) years that I’ve been driving various cars, trucks and goodness knows what else in nine countries across two continents I’ve had the floor mat problem so often I couldn’t possibly count them. It was a persistent problem on a DAF LF 7.5 tonne truck I drove regularly a couple of years back. I’d take my foot off the power and it wouldn’t slow as expected. The problem wasn’t DAF’s fault either. In the end I cured it by taking out the extra slip mat the regular driver had added, but you’ll note here that I am reporting multiple incidents with one vehicle, one that’s a fair but bigger that the average Toyota, and one I was driving in central London traffic, yet I’m still here to write about it. I didn’t have or cause an accident and I’m not trying to sue anyone.

I’ve also had the stuck pedal linkage problem a few times over the years, more so in my younger days when I was driving cars that were fugitives from the wrecker’s yard but, again, I’m still here to tell my tale. Why? Am I some sort of superman?

No. At best I’m just a driver with a bit of common sense and a strong sense of self preservation. Give me a problem in a car and all I want is a little bit of time to sort it out before I hit something, and that is often just a matter of seconds. First principles: I check my car before I drive it. One of those checks is to make sure that my floor mat is OK. Maybe not obvious, but if it gets in the way of the pedals I have a problem, and I’d rather fix a problem before I have one, hence getting rid of the extra mat in the DAF once I’d recognised that the damn thing would not stay put.

Second principles: If I don’t get the expected result when I take my foot off the gas, or I seem to be going faster than I think that I should be, then I do two things at the same time. One is to keep driving the car; look where I’m going and try not to drive into anything. At the same time I dig both heels into the floor mat and jerk my feet back. If my problem is the mat fouling the pedal this will fix it so I can pull over, stop and sort it out properly. (Another action is to hit Cancel on the cruise control). If that doesn’t work, I stick the toe of my shoe behind the pedal and pull it back. If my problem is anywhere in the foot well then that will work and, again, I pull over and stop where it is safe to do so, and either fix it or call for help.

Third principles: If that doesn’t work either then, checking around me for other vehicles, I’ll get the brakes on hard (a secondary problem with the errant floor mat is that it rucks up behind the brake pedal and restricts how far I can push it down – but if I’ve pulled the mat clear I should be fine). I’ll use both feet on the brake pedal if I have to, and I’ll put the transmission in neutral to stop the engine driving the wheels. I don’t switch the ignition off until I stop as I’ll lose my power steering and brakes (although if I’m going to hit something solid, switching off at the last second is a good idea).

Now I could have done all of the above faster than I could have made a call on my cell phone, and I would be pretty sure that I would have the vehicle stopped without too much danger to anyone else on the road, myself and any passengers.

If all of the above had failed, and I can’t see why it should, but if it had there is still the controlled crash option: I’d drive into the scenery or barrier at a shallow angle, aim for something soft, anything that’s possible. Many years ago I listened to one of the great Swedish rally drivers being interviewed. This was in an era when a rally car was the same as you or I could buy, but tuned up and with a roll cage and being driven through the forests and ice and snow or whatever at full bore and before the days of pace notes. Asked what went through his mind when approaching a blind crest in the forest at 100+mph he paused, and then he said “well, the road must go somewhere”. His premise was that there was always something that you could do to avoid an accident, but if you went off  you kept trying to get back on until you succeeded or hit something, but most times you’d work it out and avoid the accident.

Over the years I’ve had far worse things happen than a sticky throttle. I’ve four times had the bonnet (hood) come unlatched and rise up blocking my forward vision, once at 70mph on the M2 in Kent, at over 90 on the autobahn in Germany, on the way into DC from Dulles airport and, more recently, at about 50 on the old Roman road to Newbury.  Each time I got stopped with no damage to myself or anyone else.

Yes, these things get the pulse rate up a bit, but the point is that there is always something that I can do, and I’d rather be trying than dying. Stay calm, don’t panic and think about what you’re doing.

There’s an old adage that the most dangerous part in a car is the nut behind the wheel. My distress on these matters is that there seem to be far too many people out there on the road trying to kill me as it is. It’s bad enough that there are so many people driving cars who have all the spatial awareness of a stuffed wombat, but to know that there are also people riding around out there who may not even know how to stop the vehicle is just plain scary.

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