Author Archives: thatconsultantbloke

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About thatconsultantbloke

Based in North Wiltshire UK I try to have fun whilst making things happen. I spent almost 40 years climbing the corporate ladder before getting bored with being too far from the action. Now I use my experiences of that time, the good and the bad, to keep the bills paid and have fun helping clients turn strategy into positive results.
by | March 8, 2010 · 7:43 am

The Joys of Shopping #2 – fun with phrases

So we’re out there amongst the shelves in our favourite supermarket. Maybe some cooked meat? Ah. Cured ham. But cured of what? I mean what did this pig have to be cured of and, having cured it, why then let it die for us to eat? We need answers!

Then there cultured yogurt. Well, you wouldn’t want the uncouth one would you? Just think what that could get up to behind the closed door of your fridge. Coarse sugar in the cupboard is enough hooligan food for any home.

Come on food legislators. These are the issues that are important in food labelling, not messing about over what is or isn’t a sausage.

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by | March 6, 2010 · 8:38 pm

the joys of shopping #1

A new theme of blogs, this time on the joys of shopping. Now please treat these rants with an element of tongue in cheek but, as a grumpy old man, these are all things that annoy me to some degree. I’ve blogged elsewhere about standards (“Why bother? No-one else does.” on another of my blogs), and whether I’m right or wrong, this is how I feel.

To set the scene, I’m in a store on a retail park on the edge of town. As I wander around the aisles Elvis begins to croon “Love me tender, love me tr” bing bong “ Will Alan Smith please come to the back door, Alan Smith to the back door”, “’reams come true” etc. You get the picture? Now Love Me Tender is not, by a long chalk, my favourite Elvis song, but this is close to sacrilege and I start getting these urges to campaign for reinstatement of capital punishment. It’s the same with those idiot DJs who talk over the music; if you’re going to play a song wait until it’s finished before inflicting your banal chatter on your audience.

This especially true when I’m out food shopping with the Wonder of Wokingham and we are deep in meaningful conversation about what we’re going to eat when some oik with no idea of manners will interrupt us with some meaningless, to us, announcement or other. If they want Mary Smith to report to the checkout captain, or some such instruction, and are prepared to interrupt the customers with this request, the surely we should be told why? “Will Mary Smith please report to the checkout captain to be shot for interrupting Elvis” does at least give us some explanation as to why we have been so rudely interrupted even if it does not excuse them having done so.

More joys of shopping another time perhaps.

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by | March 5, 2010 · 9:41 pm

radio too?

A funny thing happened today. I had a loan car from the garage and, on starting the engine, the radio came on. Now I don’t have the car radio on much these days. Maybe just a little Classic FM perhaps, but most of the time I’d rather listen to my own CDs or a talking book as radio has just become abysmal. However, the programme wasn’t too bad and, with it being a strange car and in traffic, I was too preoccupied with avoiding all the would be assassins with whom I was sharing the road and who were trying to kill me to hunt around for the off button.

Then came the funny thing. It was Radio 2 and the Chris Evans show, except that it wasn’t the poisonous carrot, but a stand in who appeared to be actually capable of stringing a sentence together and at reasonable volume. I was so impressed I left it on for the rest of the drive to the office.

Now I was never a Wogan fan, but at least I could tune him out and that just isn’t possible with the shrieking Evans. If ever there was someone who should never have been let loose with a microphone it is him. Rumours that he might replace AC one the One Show, even if just on Friday’s, is enough to ensure I shall turn the TV off for the duration.

Come on BBC. You can make quality programmes like the recent Indian Hill Railways series and you appear to have finally arranged to get rid of that talentless abomination Ross, so do the decent thing and get shot of Evans as well. On the other hand, I do at least know where the off switch is, so I shall just continue to use that to spare myself.

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by | March 5, 2010 · 6:40 am

Michael Foot – A good and honest man

There were probably a lot of things that Michael Foot and I would have disagreed on had we ever sat down to talk. We never did though, and his passing this week means that we never will, but his was one of the first names that would come to mind whenever I’ve been asked who I would like to have had as a guest at an ideal virtual gathering.

In the tributes to him we have seen examples of his power as an orator, but these have been, of necessity, just short glimpses and the recording medium does not capture what it was to hear him speak in person. Sadly, for me, there are so few orators left now, their kind having become extinct in a world of political correctness and with the need to “stay on message”.

As I have said elsewhere amongst my blogs, just because you don’t agree with someone it doesn’t mean that you don’t like them, and that applies also to respect, and that is a commodity I value above all else.

I shall remember Michael Foot for his oratory powers, but also with a great respect for a good and honest man for, despite a long life in the murky world of politics, he remained that throughout which is precisely why he was unable to make a success of leading his party.

A good and honest man:  Maybe not much of an epitaph, but one that I can aspire to for when my turn comes.

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by | March 3, 2010 · 3:26 pm

like Lazurus the combination oven has risen!

Our much loved Neff combination oven, used 2 or 3 times daily since we bought it 6 or so years ago, was found dead in the kitchen on Sunday, having faithfully cooked Saturday dinner and a bread and butter pudding the night before.

But a nice man has just been and replaced an internal fuse and it’s working  again! No big bill for a new oven.

Now all we need is for the Jaguar not to need much work for her MOT tomorrow and it will have been a good week.

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by | March 2, 2010 · 10:21 pm

live election debates on tv

Well, ours is one household where we’ll either be trying to find something else to watch or just turn it off and find something else to do.

There is so little of any merit on TV these days so why oh why do we have to put up with this nonsense? Will it influence my vote? Not in the slightest.

In my opinion these debates have as much to do with politics as professional wrestling does to sport. I would take away the right to vote from anyone who things that their vote is swayed by this sort of nonsense.

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by | February 28, 2010 · 1:53 pm

driving logs #1

This is the first of my driving logs. I used to keep regular logs of my trips my road, rail and air, but got to the point in my business life that I was just doing so many journeys I couldn’t keep up. However, I’ve had to keep one form of log for my back to the floor driving and have just re-read a book from my personal collection that covers a number of road trip logs, both of which have inspired me to start again.

The basic principles of the logs are that the time is taken from the dashboard clock as I put the car in gear to start, as I join, or cross, each new road and as I apply the parking brake at each stop. I carry a voice activated recorder slung round my neck for recording random thoughts, so the waypoints are recorded using that and I do not include the odometer reading as it is too much of a distraction to note that each time. Mileage is taken from Autoroute 2002 instead. Unless otherwise noted, journeys are in my 2003 Jaguar S Type 3.0 SE (V6 petrol)

This first one is on a Friday morning in February 2010 and I’m up early for a trip from Swindon out to Bishops Stortford on the Essex/Herts border. It should take just over 2 hours, but allowing 3 for road works and traffic. Last time I did it on a Friday it took 5 hours to get home. This time we are starting the meeting earlier, so I’m hoping for an earlier finish and the chance to get on the M25 and M4 before they get too busy.

My log for this trip shows that, even with the 8 minutes stop at Birchanger services (why name them after an obscure, if local, village when they are just as close to Bishops Stortford and barely off the end of the runway at Stanstead?) the outbound run was quicker than the non stop return. The latter featured a number of undesirable stops on the M25 and M4 and both journeys were slowed by 5 sets of 50mph restrictions, two of which were lengthy.

Point Time Elapsed Distance Speed MPH
Home 600 0
M4 607 7 4 34.29
M25 704 64 63.2 59.25
M1 724 84 82.6 59.00
M11 748 108 106.5 59.17
Exit M11 800 120 120.4 60.20
Birchanger Services Stop 802 122 0.00
Birchanger Services Start 810 130 0.00
Bishops Stortford 817 137 122.4 53.61
Point Time Elapsed Distance Speed MPH
Bishops Stortford 1451 0
M11 1458 7 2.7 23.14
M25 1511 20 16.9 50.70
M1 1532 41 40.2 58.83
M4 1608 77 60.6 47.22
Exit M4 1713 142 119.6 50.54
Home 1717 146 122.2 50.22

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by | February 28, 2010 · 8:19 am

is nature out of control? no, the media can’t use their language

I’ve just read that statement on a news channel talking about the earthquake in Chile and the possibility of a resultant tsunami in the Pacific.

What a stupid statement; when was nature ever under control? Nature is nature. It’s part of the life we live in sharing this planet and every now and again it will bite us. Of course I’m sorry that people have lost relatives, homes, property or whatever when we have these disasters, but this post isn’t about that.

It’s about the stupid things that the media say. A personal peeve has long been the soccer writer or commentator who says that such and such team were saved by the woodwork/crossbar/post. Now I’ve played, watched or refereed hundreds of games and have never seen the woodwork move to save a shot. If the ball hits the woodwork and goes wide or back into play then the shot wasn’t quite on target. Saved by the woodwork is a stupid thing to say.

Another one that has been prevalent of late is that someone has died in Afghanistan after being hit by a mine. No they weren’t hit by a mine; their vehicle drove over one. It’s of no consolation either way to those killed or maimed and their families, but can’t the media show some respect by reporting accurately?

Another of my blogs will, on Monday next, be critical of education standards, but what chance have folks got when the media, hugely influential as they are, can’t get it right?

Somewhere along the way the news went into the entertainment business. I can’t quite work out when, but standards went South with the change. I started to realise it had happened when it dawned on me that news bulletins had started to refer to TV programmes, the bulletin effectively promoting the channels own entertainment programmes. I can rarely sit through a news bulletin these days, and don’t often read a newspaper cover to cover any more. The standards or reporting and use of words irritates me so much that the topic gets lost.

Another example of getting old? Just a grumpy old man moaning about how it wasn’t like that in my day? Maybe, but something well written, whether for reading yourself or having it read to you, is a joy. Our language allows great expression and should be used to good effect. Why waste it?

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by | February 23, 2010 · 7:52 pm

Back in the MRI Scanner

Back in the MRI today. They wanted a scan from a different angle and also ones with die added to the bloodstream.

Now the MRI scanner I’m OK with as regular readers will know, but needles & stuff? Not my favourites and I hadn’t expected that today. I’ve had a lot of blood samples taken over the last couple of years and have only had the one wobbly moment, but today, it was lights out!

I had warned them that I can have problems, and had made sure that I was well anchored in the chair, so it was not big deal and I was soon back with them. They kept an eye on me for a few moments after the scan as well just to make sure I was OK before letting me go.

So another set of scans in the can. Thanks to the MRI team at GWH for looking after me and I’ll be back in a couple of weeks for the next set of results to see if they’ve found anything of interest.  Watch this space.

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by | February 23, 2010 · 6:59 pm

2010 BIFM Annual Conference, London

One of the premier global events for Facilities Managers. I’ll be going, and look forward to meeting old friends and making new ones.

When: 13th-14th April

Where: Riverbank Park Plaza Hotel

Theme: FM in a changing world

Chair: Sarah Montague, presenter of the Today programme

What else is there? Fantastic keynote speakers, an exhibition, an entertainment-filled gala dinner, and plenary, parallel and fringe sessions covering a range of relevant and exciting topics.

Tickets are available to book via the website link: www.bifmconference.com

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