Tag Archives: words

by | August 1, 2010 · 7:48 pm

letters to the editor number 77 – defiling classics #sherlock

Sir

Having alread been outraged once this weekend I am appalled again this evening to find that amongst the offerings is another episode of the dreadfull Sherlock.

Is it not bad enough that TV programme making has fallen to the gutter standards of modern viewing? Why do people feel the need to also mess with the classics? With perfectly good stocks of the excellent Joan Hickson Miss Marple stories some moronic group had to mess with the stories to produce the dreadfull Geraldine McEwan versions, but why oh why should someone then sink to the depths of wanting to mess with something like the works of Conan-Doyle?

Surely this represents grounds for re-introduction of capital punishment?

I think that we should be told.

Staggered of Swindon

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by | August 1, 2010 · 6:38 pm

letters to the editor number 9 – more fun with words

Sir

I write on behalf of all the structures that hold back water and protect those living in low-lying lands such as The Netherlands and the Fens.

Are their feelings to be overlooked by these inappropriate associations with a certain former lady jockey turned TV commentator?

We might urge those concerned in this tiff to get their fingers out and apologise, but digital extraction, too, has inappropriate connotations where our earthen banked friends are concerned. Perhaps the best course of action would be them both to get a life.

Yours faithfully

Dorcan Dyke Appreciation Society

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by | May 15, 2010 · 12:09 pm

letters to the editor #31 – more fun with words

Sir

When I was younger, if asked to make a decision, people would say it was up to me. Now they would say it is down to me.

At what point did we get this inversion? I think that we should be told.

Yours faithfully
Worried of Wiltshire

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by | May 3, 2010 · 2:02 pm

letters to the editor number 19 – initial thoughts

Sir

My attention has been drawn to the intials PM. Amongst other things, they appear to stand for:

a) Prime Minister
b) Puppet Master
c) Peter Mandelson

Am I alone in thinking that this is no coincidence? I think that we should be told.

Yours faihtfully
Worried of Wiltshire

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by | April 17, 2010 · 8:10 pm

fun with words number 78 – more media mayhem

Sat with the Wokingham Wonder having dinner tonight my reverie was broken by the link announcer on TV telling us that there was to be a programme on the Worst Serial Killers; the ones that were able to kill and kill before finally being tracked down by the police.

What? The worst serial killers? Surely the ones that got away with it enough to become serial killers were the ones that were good at it? On that basis should it not be the Best Serial Killers? The worst ones might not even have managed to kill anyone.

Once again I know what they meant to say, and probably so did pretty much everyone else, so what does it matter? Well, for me, it is yet another example of sloppy speaking which, from the media, is pretty much criminal. The most notorious serial killers would have worked, so why not say that?

As they murder the language with such frequency, will they be featured in the programme?

Oh well. They’ve come with my medication again, I’ll have to go.

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by | April 16, 2010 · 7:46 pm

Thoughts on Natural Disasters (or Acts of God?)

Reading that insurance companies might claim that the volcanic ash incident currently closing UK airspace was an act of God and thus not covered got me thinking of my own experience in trying to phone insurance company helplines.

I pictured something like:
Ring ring, “Welcome to the Acts of God customer service call centre. Your call is important to us, but our operator, whilst omnipotent and omnipresent, is busy right now. Please hold and your call will be answered shortly”
Cue music, then: “Your call is still in a queue. Your call is important to us, but right now we are experiencing a high demand. All calls are recorded on tablets of stone for training purposes”.
More music until just as you start to enjoy it “Your call is still in a queue. If your call is not urgent, you might try our web site at http://www.weknowwhoyouare.com”. Back to the music, but not where you left it.
Then “You may key in your 16 digit account number, followed by the hash key, on your telephone key pad, if you wish to, but we know who you are and what you want, so you don’t have to, but if it makes you feel better and helps pass the time feel free”, and, once again, the music cuts in.
Then a voice interrupts “Yes John, I know you are troubled about me”
Err, well, I’m a bit concerned that you’re not too happy up there? I mean I’ve been chugged down the high street for the victims of the earthquake and the cyclone and now this volcanic eruption has caused my holiday flight to be canceled and the insurance company won’t pay out for my car hire and hotel ‘cos they say it’s an act of God and, well, what can I do?
“John, these are not acts of God, they are a natural disasters, but your insurance company is right; natural disasters are covered in their exclusions. Did I not give you two good eyes to read the small print?”
Well, yes, but the eyes aren’t too good these days .
“And is not self abuse a contributing factor? And were you not warned about this and the consequences?”
Well, maybe you’re right.
“Of course I am right! Now, how may I help you?”
Well I was worried that you were angry or something with all of this trouble around the world, so are we going to have any more acts, I mean natural disasters? I mean what about the general election?
“John, the outcome of the election will not be a natural disaster. It may be a supreme act of folly, but you were not created perfect. I can only hope that you learn from your mistakes and, although you have shown little evidence of being able to do so, I above all must have faith in you to get it right one day. Now, is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Well, no. Thank you.
“You are welcome. You will receive an email within the next 24 hours to give feedback on your experience with our helpline. Goodbye”.

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by | March 20, 2010 · 1:51 pm

letters to the editor #24 – a hung parliament?

Sir

My enthusiasm for a hung parliament has waned since it was brought to my attention that it will not require the use of many lengths of rope and most of the lamp posts along the embankment as I had first thought.

I therefore formally withdraw my support.

Yours faithfully
Disappointed of Dorcan

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by | March 8, 2010 · 7:43 am

The Joys of Shopping #2 – fun with phrases

So we’re out there amongst the shelves in our favourite supermarket. Maybe some cooked meat? Ah. Cured ham. But cured of what? I mean what did this pig have to be cured of and, having cured it, why then let it die for us to eat? We need answers!

Then there cultured yogurt. Well, you wouldn’t want the uncouth one would you? Just think what that could get up to behind the closed door of your fridge. Coarse sugar in the cupboard is enough hooligan food for any home.

Come on food legislators. These are the issues that are important in food labelling, not messing about over what is or isn’t a sausage.

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by | March 5, 2010 · 6:40 am

Michael Foot – A good and honest man

There were probably a lot of things that Michael Foot and I would have disagreed on had we ever sat down to talk. We never did though, and his passing this week means that we never will, but his was one of the first names that would come to mind whenever I’ve been asked who I would like to have had as a guest at an ideal virtual gathering.

In the tributes to him we have seen examples of his power as an orator, but these have been, of necessity, just short glimpses and the recording medium does not capture what it was to hear him speak in person. Sadly, for me, there are so few orators left now, their kind having become extinct in a world of political correctness and with the need to “stay on message”.

As I have said elsewhere amongst my blogs, just because you don’t agree with someone it doesn’t mean that you don’t like them, and that applies also to respect, and that is a commodity I value above all else.

I shall remember Michael Foot for his oratory powers, but also with a great respect for a good and honest man for, despite a long life in the murky world of politics, he remained that throughout which is precisely why he was unable to make a success of leading his party.

A good and honest man:  Maybe not much of an epitaph, but one that I can aspire to for when my turn comes.

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by | February 28, 2010 · 8:19 am

is nature out of control? no, the media can’t use their language

I’ve just read that statement on a news channel talking about the earthquake in Chile and the possibility of a resultant tsunami in the Pacific.

What a stupid statement; when was nature ever under control? Nature is nature. It’s part of the life we live in sharing this planet and every now and again it will bite us. Of course I’m sorry that people have lost relatives, homes, property or whatever when we have these disasters, but this post isn’t about that.

It’s about the stupid things that the media say. A personal peeve has long been the soccer writer or commentator who says that such and such team were saved by the woodwork/crossbar/post. Now I’ve played, watched or refereed hundreds of games and have never seen the woodwork move to save a shot. If the ball hits the woodwork and goes wide or back into play then the shot wasn’t quite on target. Saved by the woodwork is a stupid thing to say.

Another one that has been prevalent of late is that someone has died in Afghanistan after being hit by a mine. No they weren’t hit by a mine; their vehicle drove over one. It’s of no consolation either way to those killed or maimed and their families, but can’t the media show some respect by reporting accurately?

Another of my blogs will, on Monday next, be critical of education standards, but what chance have folks got when the media, hugely influential as they are, can’t get it right?

Somewhere along the way the news went into the entertainment business. I can’t quite work out when, but standards went South with the change. I started to realise it had happened when it dawned on me that news bulletins had started to refer to TV programmes, the bulletin effectively promoting the channels own entertainment programmes. I can rarely sit through a news bulletin these days, and don’t often read a newspaper cover to cover any more. The standards or reporting and use of words irritates me so much that the topic gets lost.

Another example of getting old? Just a grumpy old man moaning about how it wasn’t like that in my day? Maybe, but something well written, whether for reading yourself or having it read to you, is a joy. Our language allows great expression and should be used to good effect. Why waste it?

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