Reading of the desecration of some of my old haunts that is going on in order for the 2012 Olympics to take place (I sold commercial vehicles spares and other things all around that patch back in the 1970s) I was prompted to thoughts of how we could scoop some extra medals from the home event.
Competitive shopping! Once again this weekend the Berkshire Belle and I have been out there scrounging for some nosh in both Cheltenham and Swindon and, as ever, we have had to pick our way through the ranks of those who see the weekly shop as some sort of assault course.
This is not a phenomenon we come across in other countries, so Team GB could be in for some world domination here; we could have different classes for different age groups perhaps. The OAPs hunt in packs, younger folks that can’t shop without the mobile phone clamped to the ear whilst savaging the opposition with their trolleys and so on. And then the men’s class would be for the “I’ll show the other half how it’s done” dash round in record time with points scored for casualties on the way, whilst the lady’s class would be more along the lines of ” can I take so long getting my purse out to pay that everything the next person in line has bought goes past its sell by date”. And there could be a family class for the greatest number of aisles blocked to other shoppers while we all stand and debate.
If nothing else we should be able to win on sheer naked aggression. Every weekend I go into therapy for ankles clipped by countless shopping carts and friction burns from arms that have been shoved across my face to grab something.
And we certainly play it as a body contact sport. The Berkshire Belle and I have mutual grounds for divorce after every trip to the shops on the basis that we’ve had far more physical contact with total strangers that we’ve managed with each other.
If Team GB want a good medal haul at London2012 next year then Competitive Shopping is clearly the way to go.
The Voice of the Bloke at the Back 