For those of you that have enjoyed my 10 tips on getting the best from Powerpoint, I do a spoof presentation to illustrate the worst ways to use it with some discussion and examples of good practice. Feel free to get in touch if you’d like me to come along and present to your team or group.
Tag Archives: people
is there going to be an election then?
Haven’t we had one or two of these before? I’m sure that I remember several over the 57 and a bit years that I’ve been on the planet.
So why did the BBC extend its lunchtime bulletin to rabbit on over and over about the PM going to see the queen ad nauseum? After about the fourth time that they told us how he’d driven to the palace and back etc etc, what the other two leaders (sorry, can’t remember their names at the moment) had done and so on I was at screaming point.
Yes he’s called an election: So what? We all knew it was going to happen. We all knew when the date was. So what was newsworthy? Just a quick confirmation would have been enough; less than a dozen words. But no, we have to have the expense of goodness knows how many people out on outside broadcasts and spouting meaningless twaddle on the subject just so they had something to say. At least, in the bit I did watch (in the forlorn hope that they’d get round to Bargain Hunt), they didn’t mention the respective wives.
It isn’t a momentous event, it’s a routine proceess and it happens every 5 years or so. If I was the Queen I’d have left a note on the gate saying “Yes, I’ve heard. Just get on with it” and not bothered to see the oaf at all.
Clegg and Cgmeron; there, I’ve remembered. This is the problem for me; they are all a bunch of faceless nonentities these days and therefore I have little to get enthused about. The current lot have systematically destroyed the country I used to be proud of and to a point that I don’t hold much hope of the others being able to do much to restore things assuming that they get the chance.
Oh well. Life will go on regardless and I will be watching even less TV than usual. A good book, some music or a good conversation are much better ways of spending the time. Roll on the middle of May when it will all be over.
Filed under random rants
letters to the editor #37 – car parks and saving the planet
Sir
At what point did the Government rule that one way systems in car parks did not apply? Why are car park owners allowed to waste the planet’s precious resources on painting arrows and erecting signs that no-one follows?
Or could it be that 90% of people operating vehicles (they could not be called drivers) are either blind, stupid or just ignorant? If so, surely getting them off the roads would make a significant reduction in emissions?
I think that we should be told.
Worried of Wiltshire
Are your best friends your PC and your mobile phone?
In these days of texting, mobile phones and social networking is virtual commuication becoming too dominant? Yes it is (fairly) instant and keeps people in touch, but what effect is it having on the art of conversation and social skills?
I use business networking groups as a way of keeping human contact up – what about you?
Filed under business life
letters to the editor #23 more joys of shopping
Sir
Whilst in our local Sainsbury’s this morning there was an announcment on the public address regarding their range of East Regs. On enquiring whether they also had West Regs I received a blank stare and felt that security may have been about to be called, so refrained from also enquiring after North and South Regs.
I can’t have been mistaken as the annoucement was made, at a far to strident a volume, several times.
Yours faithfully
Surprised of Swindon
letters to the editor #57
Sir
The young lady, twenty-something, ahead of me in the supermarket queue bends over her trolley to unload. The usual expanse of bare skin is revealed, punctuated by a hint of buttock cleavage.
I cast my gaze up to inspect the ceiling, but wait! Something is amiss. I look again and there it is (or isn’t). The flesh on display is devoid of decoration.
My dilemma? Should tell her that her tattoo has fallen off, or have I just spotted a rare member of the species; the un-tattooed twenty something woman?
Yours faithfully
Surprised of Swindon
Toyota Troubles
I have been very distressed by the ongoing tales of Toyota troubles. Not that I have any favour for the make, although I have rented many Toyotas in the US, as well as a Lexus. They’re OK cars, but so are lots of others. And, whilst I feel for the victims or their families, neither is their plight the source of my woe.
No, my distress has been in the apparent lack of basic skills being demonstrated. As I understand it there are two problems alleged to be at the heart of the Toyota throttle (gas/accelerator) pedal troubles. One is that the floor mat interferes with the pedal and the other is that the pedal linkage may stick.
Now over the (nearly 40) years that I’ve been driving various cars, trucks and goodness knows what else in nine countries across two continents I’ve had the floor mat problem so often I couldn’t possibly count them. It was a persistent problem on a DAF LF 7.5 tonne truck I drove regularly a couple of years back. I’d take my foot off the power and it wouldn’t slow as expected. The problem wasn’t DAF’s fault either. In the end I cured it by taking out the extra slip mat the regular driver had added, but you’ll note here that I am reporting multiple incidents with one vehicle, one that’s a fair but bigger that the average Toyota, and one I was driving in central London traffic, yet I’m still here to write about it. I didn’t have or cause an accident and I’m not trying to sue anyone.
I’ve also had the stuck pedal linkage problem a few times over the years, more so in my younger days when I was driving cars that were fugitives from the wrecker’s yard but, again, I’m still here to tell my tale. Why? Am I some sort of superman?
No. At best I’m just a driver with a bit of common sense and a strong sense of self preservation. Give me a problem in a car and all I want is a little bit of time to sort it out before I hit something, and that is often just a matter of seconds. First principles: I check my car before I drive it. One of those checks is to make sure that my floor mat is OK. Maybe not obvious, but if it gets in the way of the pedals I have a problem, and I’d rather fix a problem before I have one, hence getting rid of the extra mat in the DAF once I’d recognised that the damn thing would not stay put.
Second principles: If I don’t get the expected result when I take my foot off the gas, or I seem to be going faster than I think that I should be, then I do two things at the same time. One is to keep driving the car; look where I’m going and try not to drive into anything. At the same time I dig both heels into the floor mat and jerk my feet back. If my problem is the mat fouling the pedal this will fix it so I can pull over, stop and sort it out properly. (Another action is to hit Cancel on the cruise control). If that doesn’t work, I stick the toe of my shoe behind the pedal and pull it back. If my problem is anywhere in the foot well then that will work and, again, I pull over and stop where it is safe to do so, and either fix it or call for help.
Third principles: If that doesn’t work either then, checking around me for other vehicles, I’ll get the brakes on hard (a secondary problem with the errant floor mat is that it rucks up behind the brake pedal and restricts how far I can push it down – but if I’ve pulled the mat clear I should be fine). I’ll use both feet on the brake pedal if I have to, and I’ll put the transmission in neutral to stop the engine driving the wheels. I don’t switch the ignition off until I stop as I’ll lose my power steering and brakes (although if I’m going to hit something solid, switching off at the last second is a good idea).
Now I could have done all of the above faster than I could have made a call on my cell phone, and I would be pretty sure that I would have the vehicle stopped without too much danger to anyone else on the road, myself and any passengers.
If all of the above had failed, and I can’t see why it should, but if it had there is still the controlled crash option: I’d drive into the scenery or barrier at a shallow angle, aim for something soft, anything that’s possible. Many years ago I listened to one of the great Swedish rally drivers being interviewed. This was in an era when a rally car was the same as you or I could buy, but tuned up and with a roll cage and being driven through the forests and ice and snow or whatever at full bore and before the days of pace notes. Asked what went through his mind when approaching a blind crest in the forest at 100+mph he paused, and then he said “well, the road must go somewhere”. His premise was that there was always something that you could do to avoid an accident, but if you went off you kept trying to get back on until you succeeded or hit something, but most times you’d work it out and avoid the accident.
Over the years I’ve had far worse things happen than a sticky throttle. I’ve four times had the bonnet (hood) come unlatched and rise up blocking my forward vision, once at 70mph on the M2 in Kent, at over 90 on the autobahn in Germany, on the way into DC from Dulles airport and, more recently, at about 50 on the old Roman road to Newbury. Each time I got stopped with no damage to myself or anyone else.
Yes, these things get the pulse rate up a bit, but the point is that there is always something that I can do, and I’d rather be trying than dying. Stay calm, don’t panic and think about what you’re doing.
There’s an old adage that the most dangerous part in a car is the nut behind the wheel. My distress on these matters is that there seem to be far too many people out there on the road trying to kill me as it is. It’s bad enough that there are so many people driving cars who have all the spatial awareness of a stuffed wombat, but to know that there are also people riding around out there who may not even know how to stop the vehicle is just plain scary.
Filed under cars planes and trains
The Joys of Shopping #2 – fun with phrases
So we’re out there amongst the shelves in our favourite supermarket. Maybe some cooked meat? Ah. Cured ham. But cured of what? I mean what did this pig have to be cured of and, having cured it, why then let it die for us to eat? We need answers!
Then there cultured yogurt. Well, you wouldn’t want the uncouth one would you? Just think what that could get up to behind the closed door of your fridge. Coarse sugar in the cupboard is enough hooligan food for any home.
Come on food legislators. These are the issues that are important in food labelling, not messing about over what is or isn’t a sausage.
Filed under fun stuff, The Joys of Shopping
the joys of shopping #1
A new theme of blogs, this time on the joys of shopping. Now please treat these rants with an element of tongue in cheek but, as a grumpy old man, these are all things that annoy me to some degree. I’ve blogged elsewhere about standards (“Why bother? No-one else does.” on another of my blogs), and whether I’m right or wrong, this is how I feel.
To set the scene, I’m in a store on a retail park on the edge of town. As I wander around the aisles Elvis begins to croon “Love me tender, love me tr” bing bong “ Will Alan Smith please come to the back door, Alan Smith to the back door”, “’reams come true” etc. You get the picture? Now Love Me Tender is not, by a long chalk, my favourite Elvis song, but this is close to sacrilege and I start getting these urges to campaign for reinstatement of capital punishment. It’s the same with those idiot DJs who talk over the music; if you’re going to play a song wait until it’s finished before inflicting your banal chatter on your audience.
This especially true when I’m out food shopping with the Wonder of Wokingham and we are deep in meaningful conversation about what we’re going to eat when some oik with no idea of manners will interrupt us with some meaningless, to us, announcement or other. If they want Mary Smith to report to the checkout captain, or some such instruction, and are prepared to interrupt the customers with this request, the surely we should be told why? “Will Mary Smith please report to the checkout captain to be shot for interrupting Elvis” does at least give us some explanation as to why we have been so rudely interrupted even if it does not excuse them having done so.
More joys of shopping another time perhaps.
Filed under fun stuff, random rants, The Joys of Shopping
Michael Foot – A good and honest man
There were probably a lot of things that Michael Foot and I would have disagreed on had we ever sat down to talk. We never did though, and his passing this week means that we never will, but his was one of the first names that would come to mind whenever I’ve been asked who I would like to have had as a guest at an ideal virtual gathering.
In the tributes to him we have seen examples of his power as an orator, but these have been, of necessity, just short glimpses and the recording medium does not capture what it was to hear him speak in person. Sadly, for me, there are so few orators left now, their kind having become extinct in a world of political correctness and with the need to “stay on message”.
As I have said elsewhere amongst my blogs, just because you don’t agree with someone it doesn’t mean that you don’t like them, and that applies also to respect, and that is a commodity I value above all else.
I shall remember Michael Foot for his oratory powers, but also with a great respect for a good and honest man for, despite a long life in the murky world of politics, he remained that throughout which is precisely why he was unable to make a success of leading his party.
A good and honest man: Maybe not much of an epitaph, but one that I can aspire to for when my turn comes.
Filed under obituaries
The Voice of the Bloke at the Back 