Tag Archives: people

Lay back and think of, well anywhere but England

I have been trying to help someone who is, as I have had to, lined up for a series of operations. As something of a veteran now of hospital wards I have found my own way of coping, so another session I can meet with a degree of stoicism, but someone who is in for the first time? It does make me feel that I am playing Norman Stanley Fletcher to their b; the old lag and the innocent newcomer.

So how do I cope? My basic stance is to spend my time reconstructing various pleasurable trips abroad; my first time in the US (Atlanta 1993), riding the ICE from Hamburg to Hannover, the Monaco GP 1973, streaking under the channel in my car on the train, seeing California and so on. I have been lucky enough to have been around a bit and can dredge up these memories.

And there you have it; when I’m lying in a hospital bed trying not to worry about what happens when they take me down or later trying not to think of the discomfort, I can shut my eyes and transport myself to somewhere that a memory will take. Lie back and think of somewhere nice.

 

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The plague of the wrong trousers

I know that this plague has been with us for some time, but feel that I just have to speak out as it shows no sign of receding. Or should I say that there is no sign of things going back to the point they were at before they began to recede.

That which troubles me is the fact that many men, many of whom are old enough to know better, have allowed themselves to be sold trousers that stop a long way short of where a trouser should. I believe that descriptions such as three quarter and five eighths apply.

Now laudable as it is to be encouraging the use of old fashioned fractions, the fact remains that men look stupid in these garments. There was a time when I was a lad and growing quickly that you might be asked if your trousers had had a row with your ankles if they didn’t drape nicely over your shoes, but this latest look is beyond the pale. Men, what are you thinking?!

If you want to wear shorts then get a proper pair of tailored ones, otherwise cover up with proper pants. And if you’re over 50, then just cover up. Old men’s legs are not attractive.

I think that it has been a female plot. Never mind “does my bum look big in this?”, if they can get their men looking like half wits then no-one will notice how big their bum looks. Clever, eh?

Come on guys, stop letting the side down. Dress properly and let’s see some standards coming back.

One last thing. If you must wear stupid three quarter length pants, or those silly long shorts, for goodness sake don’t wear socks with your sandals. Be warned; if I get into power I will be promoting a shoot to kill policy for the fashion police.

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The romance of the rails

Back in the 80 s I used to travel by train a lot on business. At that time it was frowned upon to take your own car and, at our firm, the company car was unheard of other than for a few right at the top.

As I got to travel so much I even had my own book of rail warrants so that I could just write one out when I needed to. And so I would head off, sometimes on a day trip, other times for up to a week, and let the rhythm of the rails waft me from place to place as I earned my crust.

When I was a small boy most of our travel involved the local ‘bus service, and so my early experience of the romance of travel was the bus station in maybe Maidenhead or Reading. There I might see a long distance coach service, and the sight of people going somewhere excited the curiosity of my youthful mind. Railway stations and airport terminals still have the same fascination.

Train travel came a little later into my world after yet another move of house. We lived beside the Tattenham Corner branch line, where I could see the Royal Train take the Queen and her Mum to see The Derby at Epsom, but our station was a one mile walk away. From there we would catch a Southern green electric train up to Croydon to shop, or now and again to the terminus at Victoria on an outing to London.

At Victoria I could see one of the most romantic of trains; the Golden Arrow (Flèche d’Or) with its wonderful chocolate and cream Pullman cars taking people to or from the Continent. But my first solo train journeys were less glamorous; daily commuting into the City via Fenchurch and Liverpool Streets for example.

In the 1980s my job started to take me around the UK by train, and I rode the East and West coast main lines and got deep into Wales amongst other places. I met many fascinating people both in those places and en-route. Then I became entitled to first class where the peace and quiet could be double edged sword: On the one hand it was nicer to work on the train but, when you didn’t need to work there were less people to strike up a conversation with.

There was one great joy to the posh end though, and that was the dining car. A colleague and I used to book, at our own expense, a pair of seats on the up Red Dragon and spend the hour between Swindon and Paddington having breakfast. What a civilised start to the day!

Over the years I have also travelled by train in Denmark, Germany, France and the USA, each of which has brought new pleasures and, at times, a reality check. Once, travelling from Hamburg to Hannover our train slowed, presumably for a section of track maintenance. Some disused and overgrown sidings slid by with what appeared to be an old military camp away beyond the trees. Then we passed a small sign that said Celle. It took the mental Rolodex a few seconds to click round and Belsen came up. Travel does broaden the mind; there I was sat in first class luxury with my cup of coffee observing the site of such horrors that were perpetrated 50 years since, and trying to reconcile that with the German people of today that I worked with, respected and liked.

After a time I gained a company car and that put an end to travelling by train to a large degree. It was frowned on to incur the expense when you had company wheels at your disposal. But by then the trains were being refurbished to, in my mind, a lower standard than they had been built to with old comforts being replaced by small, hard seats and less leg room. And corporate vandalism didn’t stop there; the Network Southeast livery has to be the greatest travesty ever inflicted on a railway in their history.

No, I’m very glad that I was able to enjoy rail travel at a time when it was a pleasure to travel by train.

 

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Filed under business life, cars planes and trains

A letter from the House of Commons – short lived joy

The post thudded onto the doormat on Saturday. In amongst the white enveloped demands for money was a brown one; HMRC I thought, but no, House of Commons.

Bearing in mind the feedback and interest that I’ve had in some of my thoughts on the recent riots could DC have recognised my worth as an advisor and was summoning me over for a chat and to seek my help?

Unfortunately not. A few weeks ago I sent a briefing note to my MP in advance of a Commons debate in the hopes that it might have helped inform him on the subject. I got an Out of Office response to my email and nothing further. With recent events having, rightly, taken precedence over the subject that I had written to him about I had forgotten the matter, at least as far as Parliament was concerned.

But no. This was the subject of the letter, and so I sat down to read with interest. Having taken the trouble to write a carefully worded briefing for him I thought that there might be news of the debate. Once again, but no. The response expressed sympathy for me regarding the issue, and went on to suggest things that I could do to help myself in this matter.

Maybe fair enough on face value, but one of the central issues of the debate was the failure of a government appointed body to adequately deal with an issue in the area that it was suppsed to police, and to have also failed to follow up effcetively having allowed the problem to occur in the first place.

Part of my briefing covered this failure, so to recieve a piece of advice that included asking this agency to assist when it should have been clear that I already had done and that it had failed me (amongst others) is not impressive.

Quite frankly I would rather be ignored than patronised. And I voted for this bloke. Mea culpa?

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letters to the editor – post operative voices

Sir

It may pain me to say it, but I find myself sharing a number of things in common with the current leader of New Labour. Apart from the fact that we are both male and both live in this country, we also share having had ENT surgery.

In my case I was warned that I m ight speak in a very different manner after the op and that there was a small risk that I might not be able to form recognisable speech at all, but this proved not to be the case and my medical team have been very pleased with the results of their handiwork as I sound exactly as I did before they cut and stitched. In this perhaps I diverge from the Leader of the Opposition as he apears to sound even more nasal than he did before.

However, we do share one further post operative speech defect in that we are both still prone to talking through our backsides from time to time.

Your fainthfully

Disgusted of Dorcan

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Filed under fun stuff, Letters to the Editor - I think we should be told

escaped lions+rioters+cancelled football=a good idea?

News that a Russian news agency has claimed that lions and tigers have escaped from London Zoo as a consequence of the rioters and are to be heard roaring on the streets of the capital had me in stiches. It was nice to have something to laugh about.

With the news that Wembley will be unemployed as the footie is cancelled perhaps there is a solution here that suits all. Let’s round up the big cats and set them loose on the pitch and then we can throw the rioters and looters to them. It should be a sell out live and think of the TV rights. Maybe we should get Bernie E on board to help sell them?

Think about it; the ultimate phone in viewer and audience vote; show the looters 10 at a time and have a vote on which order they get thrown to the beasties. Ought to go down a bomb yes? Beats all that Big Brother, X-Factor, Got Talent rubbish hands down, a vote ’em off show that really sends them off.

Hang on. Where was I? I think I’ve just woken up from a dream.

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Thoughts on Polar Bear encounters and respect for the environment

It is sad to hear of the loss of a young man in the frozen wastes, and also of the loss of one of the world’s deadly predators, a polar bear. Both were out on paths that brought them together in a way that led to two deaths, and some injuries for others.

To go to somewhere like where the Eton party ventured is dangerous, and that is what makes it attractive. Where there is danger someone might die or get hurt, but no-one expects that it will be them. It is always somebody though, and if you are there then it might be you.

It is a shame that the boys and the bear had to meet, but I do hope that this encounter does not stop the opportunities for people to do dangerous things. They are worthwhile doing; risk is what takes us forward as a species, and to eliminate all risk will kill us off as a race sooner rather than later. As individuals we are all going to die anyway, it is just a question of when. Is it better to stay safe and then die as your organs fail through age or disease, or to die having an adventure?

I can’t answer that question for you, but I would much rather go to my end experiencing something than to just rot away.

As for the bear, well that was just out foraging, doing what it had to.  It didn’t have a lot of choice, and when aromas drew it to the boy’s camp there was going to be a tragic outcome of some sorts.

In amongst the good stuff talked about preserving our environment there is a lot of twaddle spouted, and one of the things that some rampant wannabee greens lose sight of is that we are only one species on this planet. The other species are just as important as the ozone layer, fossil fuels, emmision levels and climate change. I am fairly outspoken against a lot of elf & safety (see above), but one risk assessment I am supportive of is on the environmental consequences of what we do.

Yes I am in favour of people taking risk and doing dangerous things, but only in terms of personal risk. If you are in a group and agree to take group riskd that is fine, but when it comes to doing things that put other things that have no choice about joining in at risk then no: If you are up a mountain don’t risk an avalanche, if you are in the forest don’t set the place on fire, if you are poking your nose in where there are creatures that might kill you…..

Our environment is now short of one bear and one human and I don’t think that that was necessary.

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Filed under random rants, serious stuff, wildlife encounters

when tv adverts were fun – good sport your missus – another from Castlemaine XXXX

With their Ute teetering an the brink of disaster, could this pair have misunderstood the lady?

Watch it here and make up your own minds. Castlemaine XXXX at its finest perhaps.

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mobile phones and boring people

Why is it that the mobile phone culture dictates that a person’s volume on their phone is in inverse proportion to the substance of their conversation?

Riding home from London on the train last night I was joined by a fellow businessman, but a complete stranger. His papers identified him as working for a company that I know well and he spend much of the journey making and receiving calls, but I heard probably less that 30 words over about the same number of minutes of talk time despite the fact that we were sat so close. A shame in some ways because, being in an industry where I frequently earn my keep I might have picked up something useful.

Three or four rows in front and behind were a man and a woman who were both so loud that every word rang out through the carriage, and boy were they inane. Having seen them both neither looked like a gormless moron, but they both sounded that way. Do these people think that a lack of decent conversation skills can be overcome by shouting?

Oh, the joys of train travel.

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at last, arise Sir Bruce!

It’s long overdue, but at last Bruce Forsyth has got his knighthood, so the disappointment that I didn’t get mine (one in the family ought to be enough) is offset by the joy the Bruce has his, long overdue, reward for goodness knows how many years of entertaining us.

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