Category Archives: random rants

by | March 17, 2012 · 11:24 am

Letters to the Editor – #levensoninquiry

Sir

Let me see if I have this right; I, as a taxpayer and someone who has had the good sense to change the PIN on my voicemail, an action helpfully suggested in the instructions for every mobile phone that I had had use of, am having to fund this appalling waste of money that we have in the Levenson Inquiry while various assorted public figures and so called celebreties who were stupid enough not to change their PIN are able to both waste my tax money and get compensated for their stupidity and negligence.

Somehow something seems badly wrong in this world.

Yours etc

Diusgusted of Dorcan

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by | March 17, 2012 · 8:29 am

Letters to the Editor – Canterbury Vacancy #archbishopofcanterbury

Sir

I have suffered from gout, don’t believe in God and talk complete nonsense from time to time. Does this qualify me for the Canterbury vacancy?

Also, under equal opportunities legislation, can that bloke with the hook apply?

I think we should be told.

Yours etc

Scandalsied of Swindon

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by | December 9, 2011 · 8:03 am

Alec Baldwin and the elegance of air travel

I wrote here the other week about falling standards in passenger appearance at airports. Since then we have seen Alec Baldwin respond to being taken off an American Airlines flight for failing to comply with the directions of the cabin crew. Continue reading →

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by | December 3, 2011 · 11:06 am

I could find that offensive, but I’m a grown up and I choose not to

What is it about modern society and this obsession with taking offence?

A supermarket correctly labels its burgers as being reindeer and parents say that it has upset their children, so now they are calling them moose burgers. Well if, on behalf of the moose preservation society, I am offended about that, so what should the supermarket do now? Continue reading →

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by | November 19, 2011 · 8:57 am

Standards of dress; why do they even let these people into the airport

When I was younger a trip to Heathrow was a treat. Go up to the viewing gallery, watch the ‘planes and the people and, for a while, be part of the glamour of it all, because those who were travelling dressed with style and elegance.

Now the majority are just a bunch of scruffs, most of whom I would not want in my home let alone to have to share a journey with. I wouldn’t allow them anywhere near the airport, let alone onto a ‘plane.

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by | October 3, 2011 · 11:37 am

The plague of the wrong trousers

I know that this plague has been with us for some time, but feel that I just have to speak out as it shows no sign of receding. Or should I say that there is no sign of things going back to the point they were at before they began to recede.

That which troubles me is the fact that many men, many of whom are old enough to know better, have allowed themselves to be sold trousers that stop a long way short of where a trouser should. I believe that descriptions such as three quarter and five eighths apply.

Now laudable as it is to be encouraging the use of old fashioned fractions, the fact remains that men look stupid in these garments. There was a time when I was a lad and growing quickly that you might be asked if your trousers had had a row with your ankles if they didn’t drape nicely over your shoes, but this latest look is beyond the pale. Men, what are you thinking?!

If you want to wear shorts then get a proper pair of tailored ones, otherwise cover up with proper pants. And if you’re over 50, then just cover up. Old men’s legs are not attractive.

I think that it has been a female plot. Never mind “does my bum look big in this?”, if they can get their men looking like half wits then no-one will notice how big their bum looks. Clever, eh?

Come on guys, stop letting the side down. Dress properly and let’s see some standards coming back.

One last thing. If you must wear stupid three quarter length pants, or those silly long shorts, for goodness sake don’t wear socks with your sandals. Be warned; if I get into power I will be promoting a shoot to kill policy for the fashion police.

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by | August 15, 2011 · 6:59 pm

A letter from the House of Commons – short lived joy

The post thudded onto the doormat on Saturday. In amongst the white enveloped demands for money was a brown one; HMRC I thought, but no, House of Commons.

Bearing in mind the feedback and interest that I’ve had in some of my thoughts on the recent riots could DC have recognised my worth as an advisor and was summoning me over for a chat and to seek my help?

Unfortunately not. A few weeks ago I sent a briefing note to my MP in advance of a Commons debate in the hopes that it might have helped inform him on the subject. I got an Out of Office response to my email and nothing further. With recent events having, rightly, taken precedence over the subject that I had written to him about I had forgotten the matter, at least as far as Parliament was concerned.

But no. This was the subject of the letter, and so I sat down to read with interest. Having taken the trouble to write a carefully worded briefing for him I thought that there might be news of the debate. Once again, but no. The response expressed sympathy for me regarding the issue, and went on to suggest things that I could do to help myself in this matter.

Maybe fair enough on face value, but one of the central issues of the debate was the failure of a government appointed body to adequately deal with an issue in the area that it was suppsed to police, and to have also failed to follow up effcetively having allowed the problem to occur in the first place.

Part of my briefing covered this failure, so to recieve a piece of advice that included asking this agency to assist when it should have been clear that I already had done and that it had failed me (amongst others) is not impressive.

Quite frankly I would rather be ignored than patronised. And I voted for this bloke. Mea culpa?

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by | August 7, 2011 · 6:35 pm

Thoughts on Polar Bear encounters and respect for the environment

It is sad to hear of the loss of a young man in the frozen wastes, and also of the loss of one of the world’s deadly predators, a polar bear. Both were out on paths that brought them together in a way that led to two deaths, and some injuries for others.

To go to somewhere like where the Eton party ventured is dangerous, and that is what makes it attractive. Where there is danger someone might die or get hurt, but no-one expects that it will be them. It is always somebody though, and if you are there then it might be you.

It is a shame that the boys and the bear had to meet, but I do hope that this encounter does not stop the opportunities for people to do dangerous things. They are worthwhile doing; risk is what takes us forward as a species, and to eliminate all risk will kill us off as a race sooner rather than later. As individuals we are all going to die anyway, it is just a question of when. Is it better to stay safe and then die as your organs fail through age or disease, or to die having an adventure?

I can’t answer that question for you, but I would much rather go to my end experiencing something than to just rot away.

As for the bear, well that was just out foraging, doing what it had to.  It didn’t have a lot of choice, and when aromas drew it to the boy’s camp there was going to be a tragic outcome of some sorts.

In amongst the good stuff talked about preserving our environment there is a lot of twaddle spouted, and one of the things that some rampant wannabee greens lose sight of is that we are only one species on this planet. The other species are just as important as the ozone layer, fossil fuels, emmision levels and climate change. I am fairly outspoken against a lot of elf & safety (see above), but one risk assessment I am supportive of is on the environmental consequences of what we do.

Yes I am in favour of people taking risk and doing dangerous things, but only in terms of personal risk. If you are in a group and agree to take group riskd that is fine, but when it comes to doing things that put other things that have no choice about joining in at risk then no: If you are up a mountain don’t risk an avalanche, if you are in the forest don’t set the place on fire, if you are poking your nose in where there are creatures that might kill you…..

Our environment is now short of one bear and one human and I don’t think that that was necessary.

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by | August 2, 2011 · 6:36 pm

more fun at the NHS

I had a bad feeling about a late afternoon appointment for a check up and, sure enough, things were running an hour late. This sort of thing drives me to distraction and I ended up having to leave part way through what they had planned for me as I had something else that I needed to be doing.

Whilst I do have some sympathy there are some aspects of my NHS encounters where they just play themselves into trouble. My GP will arrange appointments from 0830 but they wait until exactly 0830 to walk around and unlock the door, so even if you are first through the door it will be a couple of minutes before you are sat down and the Doc is never standing at the consulting suite entrance waiting for you. By their own clocks it is usually 0835 before anyone is called, so they are late from the first appointment.

In the Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin Reggie dictates a letter to the British Railways chief suggesting that, as his train is always 11 minutes late, they reissue the timetables adjusted accordingly. Same sort of issue really.

So I’m sat here this evening feeling pretty low. I’ve had time wasted that means, to avoid letting someone down, I’ve had to do an hour’s work this evening when I had plans to do something personal.

Such is life, but I doubt that anyone else cares too much.

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by | July 2, 2011 · 6:57 am

mobile phones and boring people

Why is it that the mobile phone culture dictates that a person’s volume on their phone is in inverse proportion to the substance of their conversation?

Riding home from London on the train last night I was joined by a fellow businessman, but a complete stranger. His papers identified him as working for a company that I know well and he spend much of the journey making and receiving calls, but I heard probably less that 30 words over about the same number of minutes of talk time despite the fact that we were sat so close. A shame in some ways because, being in an industry where I frequently earn my keep I might have picked up something useful.

Three or four rows in front and behind were a man and a woman who were both so loud that every word rang out through the carriage, and boy were they inane. Having seen them both neither looked like a gormless moron, but they both sounded that way. Do these people think that a lack of decent conversation skills can be overcome by shouting?

Oh, the joys of train travel.

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